you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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