I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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