He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
