took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
