this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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