I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
