did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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