It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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