I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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