threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
