I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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