Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
