You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
