guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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