she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
