Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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