Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
