This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
