Do you still have your period?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
