Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
