Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
