Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
