Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
