I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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