You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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