my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
