Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize