now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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