I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
