And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
