You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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