sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
