u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I forget how to act sober
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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