what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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