Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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