i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
