his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
