$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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