I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
