My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I stole a fireplace last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
