Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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