I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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