3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
