just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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