someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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