Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
