So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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