onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
