Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
