Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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