there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
