i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
