im drinking this country out of the recession.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
