is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
