Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
