My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
