It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
