i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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