it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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