just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
