i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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