the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
