I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
