Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
