Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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