Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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